Therapy myths and facts you can share with your friends
Picture this…
Renee and Marie are two mothers who met at Burnaby Mom Support Group. They got chatting about Renee’s gender expansive child and is considering reaching out for help. Marie suggested a youth counsellor in Burnaby who specializes in helping queer and questioning youth find confidence.
Renee is concerned whether going to counselling means they have some sort of disorders.
Marie heard of friends who saw this queer, bipoc counsellor in Vancouver and can see how counselling offered her tools to improve her mental health and help her gain better insights for her behaviour.
Well, there are lots of Renee out there.
That’s why I feel it’s important for me to share these facts and debunk those myths.
Views about counselling therapy have come a long way. Though, still, many myths about therapy persist. What’s problematic with these long-held misconceptions is that these myths can prevent people from potentially getting the help that they need.
So, here’s 7 of the most commonly cited therapy myths I’ve heard:
Therapy Myth #1: Only people with some sort of disorders need counselling
Well, this one gotta top the list as I’ve heard this the most.
**Some other renditions of the same myth:
Therapy is for crazy people
Therapy is for those who hve hit rock bottom
It is true that counsellors do see clients who may have a diagnosed condition. That’s why some folks get the impression that therapy is a last resort option when everything else fail.
As an MA-level trained counsellor, I am familiar with some mental health diagnosis and am able to treat some. Though, I am not licensed to diagnose and prescribe medications.
Just in case you find this part confusing, know that you’re not alone.
In my FAQ section, I elaborate a bit more on the difference between several mental health practitioners and what each designation is allowed to help clients with.
In reality, counselling therapy can be beneficial for everyone who wants to work on themselves and improve their overall wellbeing.
You don’t have to wait until a crisis came up or experience a nervous breakdown.
Therapy Fact #1: Therapy is a safe space for you to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and how to get there.
Granted, therapy will not be the only space for you to talk about your life.
Most people have someone they can talk to in their circle. Though the thing is, everyone has their own biases about what we should do and how we shall appproach life.
If you were to share the same thing with 7 different confidante, you will get 7 different input
That way, therapy can be a safe space for folks to process their experience with a trained professional who listen non-judgmentally. The space can help you parse out how certain experiences impacted you and how you wish to proceed with life.
Let me share a tangible example:
Sally has always thought of herself as a hetero being, though for some reasons she had butterflies in her stomach when she hang out with her (same-sex) buddy. This makes her question her sexual orientation. Her friends said it’s totally cool to be gay, she was born that way.
The big problem is that Sally’s parents are super strict and might kick her out of the house if she were to entertain about the possibility of being queer. The media is super polarized about this whole issue, so she felt even more confused. She felt even more lost asking for others feedback, and she realized she just need a space to process her own point of view.
In the example above, accessing queer affirming counselling can help Sally process the many pieces in the puzzle of her queerness. The therapist’s job is not to instruct her whether or not to come out. Though the therapist will help Sally parse out how each decision will impact her life. Therapy can help Sally gain a better understanding of herself and discover her best self.
Therapy Myth #2: Therapy is for weak people
Some folks see reaching out for help as a sign of weakness.
This is another comment I heard from my extended family a lot. They believe that we are supposed to have a good handle on our life and solve problems on our own.
Nearly 47% of American workers believes that therapy is a sign of weakness
Many people, including myself, grew up in a family that believes outsiders shouldn’t know about internal family problems. Revealing them to a counsellor aka a stranger is almost like airing out your own dirty laundry.
That’s why some folks ended up trying to solve their internal issues among themselves or pretend as if nothing is wrong and ignore the issue completely.
Some folks feel that reaching out for help implies that they are not self-sufficient. In some ways, this reminds me of the saying “you gotta be able to pull yourself up by your own bootstrap.”
Not being independent or self-reliant is one of the worst things we can be in a society that upholds the mandate that you can do it all.
Therapy Fact #2: Reaching out for help is actually a courageous act in and of itself.
It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself that you cannot do it alone. Remember that no one can handle everything on your own, and that seeking help is actually healthy.
Knowing when we have hit our capacity to figure things out ourselves and deciding to access additional support is actually a sign of resiliency.
I personally see resiliency as our ability to navigate any challenges life threw at us and recover from difficulties. One of the signs of resiliency is resourcefulness.
Reaching out for help, be it through counselling or talking to our good friend, is resourcefulness in action. We are social beings. We are not meant to go through life alone.
This point is more so relevant to men. Culture expects men to be strong and not show some types of emotions. That’s why going to therapy is almost seen as a no-go for lots of men.
I admire the courage that my clients show when they reached out to me for a consult or book a sesh. It takes lots of courage to admit that they have tried doing things solo and life has not panned out as anticipated. It takes lots of courage to sit in a space with a stranger and open up about your life. Well, perhaps a quasi-stranger as I am sure clients have looked me up before deciding to book a session.
Therapy Myth #3: Therapy is a quick fix
Well, I feel moved to include this point as I have heard it cited during phone consultations and also by friends. We live in a fast pace world. We are conditioned to get immediate results when we want something. You don’t feel like cooking, Uber can help you deliver food. You feel like staying at home but grocery runs low, Uber can also help you bring grocery from Safeway to your doorstep.
You don’t have to be in counselling for years before reaping any results. Though at the sanme time, changes won’t happen after 1 or 2 sessions.
Therapy Fact #3: Our personal discovery and self exploration journey takes time
The process of self-exploration and growth takes time. In some cases, counselling can help you come up with immediate solutions. Though in most cases, addressing the root cause of an issue will provide a longer lasting impact for your life.
Curious in what way counselling can create longer lasting impact for your life? Find out here.
You might be wondering, well if counselling won’t give you the solution rightaway the same way ibuprofen will wipe away your headache, then why bother? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this, though here’s my perspective:
You are able to see your experience from a different perspective.
Sometimes in life we feel stuck and defeated when we expect certain things to go a certain way. When we are so set in our way, we may become unhappy when reality doesn’t go according to our expectation. Counselling can help you see things from a different perspective. In some ways, we bring changes to our life situation by shifting our perspective.
You experience some shifts in the way you go about life
Progress looks different to everyone. To some, it could look like feeling more comfortable talking about your feelings and how certain events in your life impacted you. To some others who felt like they were born in the wrong body, a shift could look like finally mustering the courage to go shopping for new apparels and actually wear them in public. Though to some other folks, even talking about it in therapy feels like an achievement enough.
You get to live out the lasting changes
Another way to look at counselling is forging out your own path. That’s why it’s a process. When you first started, it might feel like a lot of work. Though, once you have built up a path you can walk on, things become easier.
You feel confident showing up as your best version
Clients typically came in to see me feeling confused at first with how they’re supposed to show up in the world. As we meander through some pathways, clients move from confusion to clarity.
Therapy Myth #4: Counsellors will tell you what to do
Another myth about therapy friends often asked me about is, “will you tell yout clients to do […] ?”
Counselling is not the same as “giving advice” or “prescribing some solutions for you to try.”
Advice is somewhat instructional and ‘judgmental.’ It assumes what’s right for you, and that’s why it doesn’t help you grow or develop autonomy. Being told what to do makes you dependent on that person.
So, what the heck would your counsellor respond to what you share?
Therapy Fact #4: A counsellor will guide and empower you
When you share a challenging situation with a therapist, a good therapist generally won’t tell you what to do. I personally see my role as a therapist is to help clients come up with insights and a better understanding of their current situation.
Instead of handing over a set of instructions on how clients are supposed to live their life, I might:
Bring up some alternative options clients haven’t considered
Offer some perspective to support clients’ intention on living a more intentional life
Explore other choices and guide them through the thinking process on each route
Suggest a different way to look at things
Provide a caring presence as clients process a difficult emotion
Share my observation of how clients’ past trauma or family of origin impact the way they live their life today
Provide some tools or questions to reflect on when clients are going through a rough patch
Guide clients through a process of self-exploration so they can discover their true selves and make decisions based on their core personal values
I hope clients are able to face life’s challenges and navigate challenging situations with ease as our journey continues.
Gotta say that counselling is not a one-size-fits-all because everyone’s experience is unique. I always take into consideration client’s cultural background, personality, age, goals, and some specific challenges they are experiencing when I share my echo. This more personalized approach makes sure that each client receives the right amount of support.
All in all, it’s important to remember that counselling is a process.
A bit biased here, though it is fair to say that counselling is a valuable tool that can help us grow, heal, and overcome challenges in our lives. Some of the myths I mentioned above are real, and in fact those are what I heard the most.
I hope by debunking some of the most commonly cited myths, it can reduce the stigma around what counselling is about.
If any of the points above pique your interest, I welcome you to schedule an initial intake session. Together, we will explore how you can become the person you wanted to be.
Those are the points I can think of for now.
I know there are tons of therapy myths out there. I won’t get to every one, though I hope sharing these therapy myths and facts based on what I have heard the most so far has been helpful.
HELLO, I AM NITA AGUSTIN
A Registered Clinical Counsellor based in Burnaby, BC. My jam is working with queer youth and young adults, especially those who do not want to be defined by what society told them about themselves. I help clients figure out who they are, who they want to be, and how to get there. We do this by processing how their past impacted the way they live out their life today. From our work together, I noticed clients develop better self-awareness and experience improved quality of life as they can show up differently in their relationships.
I offer virtual and in-person sessions near Brentwood, North Burnaby. I am licensed to practise in BC, as well as all across Canada, so I support clients all over BC, all the way from Vancouver to Kitimat. Other than working with clients who reside in BC, I also can support clients who reside in Yukon Territories, Northwest Territories, Nunavut, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland.
Check out my About me page to learn more about what I do and have to offer for you. Also, explore my Services page to see how I can guide you in making shifts in your life today. If you feel ready to discover ways to live life on your own terms, I welcome you to book an initial intake session. I am so stoked to meet you and start figuring out how you can show up as your best self.
