If you don't personally identify as queer, you can still be an ally to LGBTQ+ community. Find out what being a good ally look like.

Most people are familiar with the term LGBT – lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. These past few years, the acronym increasingly includes the letter Q for queer and questioning. 

Queer and questioning individuals are often misunderstood, overlooked, and underrepresented in the media and in the healthcare system.

In this article, lets unpack about what is being qeeer and questioning all about, and also how healing lookgs like for those of us who’ve been pushed to the sideline by the society.

Life can get busy and it is easy to get lost in the treadmill of activities and responsibilities. It doesn't help either that the world we live in constantly bombard us with different messaging around what we are supposed to do and who we are supposed to be.

For those of us in our twenties and thirties, this is a time for self-discovery. When I looked back at my life in my early 20’s, I remember feeling confused, and often insecure about myself. I also wondered how I would fit into the broader society. In some ways I had to go through a series of explorations, going through different experiences to find myself along the way.

This was the beginning of my pursuit of all things values and beliefs.

For many of us, a new year represents a fresh start. Some see January as a new beginning and a clean slate. While some others see it as finessing what went well last year and magnifying the impact.

There’s great motivation to make the next 12 months really count and live differently from the one that just passed.

As someone who has been on the pursuit of a more sustainable and realistic change, it was helpful setting up intention, so let’s get cracking with what this is about…

For many of us, a new year represents a fresh start, which typically signals a new beginning, a clean slate. When something comes to an end, we will gravitate towards a new beginning.

The reality of new year’s resolutions for many of us, including myself, is that we want a big, spectacular, revolutionary restart. And we also regularly fail to keep them.

Optimism alone will not translate a list into actions, here’s why and what to do instead

This article is an extension from what I wrote last year, a time when I started questioning the meaning and purpose of coming up with an end-of-the-year resolution every single year and falling flat pretty much almost every single time as well. The excitement and intensity of my commitment to fulfill my New Year's resolution typically waned off by February.

Last year I started adopting a more sustainable approach, that is developing a different habit, mindset, and perspective to approach life. Well, when something works well, then it makes sense to maintain it with perhaps minor tweaks to finesse it for next year.

Traditionally, productivity is very synonymous with churning output, being efficient, and working relentlesly. This very narrow, one-size-fits-all perspective completely overlooked rest and, in some ways, dehumanizes us.

We are not machine, yet the world we live in conditions us to function (and dare I say, behave) like a machine. We are a cog in the whole system of capitalism.

I was first prompted to examine all this after feeling super burnout after completing my MA. That lightbulb realization inspired me to expand my understanding of productivity to include intentional rest as a vital component.

In my own journey of establishing myself professionally, I need to put myself out there, and it took a lot out of me .

After thinking long and hard, I decided to take a few steps back. It was super surprising that when I honour my body’s needs for rest, take a pause (instead of hitting the accelerator button), I felt calmer, more in-tune with myself and the world.

The rest replenishes my energy reserves, and I am able to approach my work from a renewed, fresh perspective. I feel like I have a lot to give to my clients, and this drive allows me to show up as my best self during session.

My focus and drive are sharp, and I have been personally surprised (in a good way) by how robust my creative juice is pouring out all this thought into paper now.

So well, in some ways my decision to honour my need to rest last month is bearing sweet fruit.

In my line of work, I learn to ‘never assume’ others have the same definition and experience of certain word.

So, I think it’s worthwhile unpacking what’s my take on rest, and you get to decide for yourself how it lands for you.

I personally see rest as ‘giving myself permission to JUST BE

It is not a luxury, it is our fundamental human need.

It is also worth remembering that getting a sense of the WHY you rest is just as important as Knowing WHAT to do to rest

The grind culture is very good at promoting this idea of ‘do this thing, buy that item, go to that destination’. The culture makes you think that you need to do this and that to feel a certain way about yourself. It makes you think that rest, vacation is a luxury for those who have the resources to access those ‘extraordinary’ experience or purchase custom-made items.

Writing my initial article on giving myself permission to do the bare minimum got me thinking about the broader context of rest, work, success, and life. That inspired me to write this whole series.

We live in a fast-paced world that over-glorify productivity. The fast-paced nature of our modern life, coupled with constant connectivity afforded by technology normalizes stress, which has become a bit of a buzz word.

Do you know that stress could manifest itself in so many ways? It can impact the way we see ourselves and the world, and eventually become a roadblock to our personal growth

Pizza is made up of multiple slices, with each slice representing a different aspect of the pizza. In a super supreme pizza for example, one slice may have cheese pepperoni, another has more olives and peppers, and etc.

Likewise, our personal identity is made up of multiple components, each representing a different aspect of our personal identity. One aspect of our identity is our gender identity, then sexual orientation, race or ethnicity, occupation, cultural background, languages spoken, political affiliation, hobbies, values, mental health status, and the list go on.

Just as each slice of pizza has its unique flavour, depending on the toppings it has. Each aspect of our personal identity contributes to our overall identity, our sense of who we are.

Instead of settling for a short-term excitement, why not explore doing something long-term?

We could totally do this by looking at the difference between resolution and goals. Then, find out how you can translate your thoughts into tangible actions.

Gender identity is closely tied up to our self-expression, which is a very fundamental aspect of how we go about our lives as an individual. It’s what made you YOU! It’s a way for us to communicate our sense of self to others without needing to say any words.

When what we presented on the outside matches our internal reality, that’s what we call congruence! It’s a fancy way to say there’s an alignment between our gender identity and our internal sense of self.

If these two points are at odds, it can lead to anxiety, discomfort, and in some cases disgust that the individuals wished they could live in another’s body.

There is no one way to do life. In some ways, embracing this uncertainty can possibly help you stay open to new experiences and opportunities in life. It’s important to take a proactive stance in response to your situation at hand and find ways to reframe what you’re experiencing.

As the final year of their time at Burnaby North Secondary School draws to a close, Arie and Danny sat together, recounting all of the above statements. They were worried and uncertain about what the future has in store for them. Graduation is coming up sooner than expected, and both were overwhelmed with the prospect of making “the right decision.” The weight of expectations hangs heavy and they so desperately want to get some clarity on their situation.

If you resonate with what Arie and Danny experience above, you are not alone. It’s what we call post-graduation anxiety.