Finding a Queer Community to belong to
It’s been really fun sharing my stories with you about finding a community to belong to as a queer-identifying person.
A big belief that I’m trying to challenge is the idea that counsellors need to take an impersonal role when it comes to their clients.
Well, PLOT TWIST: I’m not like all counsellors. My experiences - combined with everything I have learned - make it easier for me to be present for my clients and to guide them.
I work closely with youth and young adults who are making their way through the world, questioning themselves, and challenging the norm. And drawing from real-world experiences helps me help them. It also allows me to be more real. And that's all I of my clients too.
How do our shared experiences help you find a community to belong to?
When it comes to drawing from my shared experiences as guidance for my practice, I have to say that my experience gives me confidence.
Why?
Because when I felt like I was down and out, the queer community allowed me to feel like I had found something to belong to.
And I can confidently tell my clients that finding your community goes a long way to easing your discomfort. It gives you a sense of belonging and ease your self-discovery process.
Finding and defining what you need in a community sets the tone
for a lot of things in your life. It allows you to find people who share your beliefs, share your values, and vision for life. It allows you to breathe a little easier. Especially when you feel lost and confused. There are people around you who have this magical way of brightening your day.
But it is my experiences that give me the confidence to guide my clients in this direction. I've hidden behind my own shadow to save myself discomfort. I have denied parts of myself to please others. I my faith and found it again in communities that speak to me and accept me for who I am.
What it feels like to find a queer community to belong to
When I think about the time before I came out, I can’t help but feel a dull, hollow ache. It’s a STRANGE FEELING of reflection because I know I missed out on so many opportunities. But at the time, I wasn’t ready to admit it to the world.
Regardless of that sadness, I know this was an important part of my life story and a journey that was meant for me to take. That doesn’t mean I don’t look back and I see how lonely I was.
It’s exhausting to keep pretending to be someone you are not. And if you’ve been following along, you’ll know that I didn’t come out until my 30s! For many years I ignored. and denied a huge part of myself. And in truth, I became an outsider in my own life.
When I finally decided to accept myself as I was, I also decided to find others like me. And I did.
It started small, but I found some local groups to belong to that aligned with my interests. I made some good friends that I still cherish to this day. One of those interests was the church, and sure enough, I found a church group that not only made me feel like I had found my place but also accepted my queerness.
You see, while I did have friends, the loneliness I felt for all those years was not a lack of people in my social circles, it was a lack of connection with those people.
Because while I valued the friendships I had, there was always something missing
that allowed me to fully be myself. In truth, I didn’t feel safe and secure in those friendships to share a fundamental part of who I was.
And that safety and security are what sets apart your community. Finding my community felt like a homecoming to truly feeling like I finally found a place where I can belong to without judgment or prejudice.
Especially in the early years, my newfound community allowed me the freedom to be myself without worrying about what others would say or think. It allowed me to feel secure in who I was, without fear of judgment. I attribute finding a queer community to belong to helped me become more confident in my own skin and truly accepting myself for who I am.
What is the point of this story?
Again, why share a story that relates to finding my experience applicable to what I do as a counsellor. Well, here’s the truth:
At its core, my story of finding a queer community to belong to feeds into my learnings and growth, which I have found apply to many scenarios in life.
As a counsellor, I don’t only see one specific type of person. Yes, I do specialize in queer issues, but there’s more to what I do than that. I work with people who feel out of place in their lives - MISFITS, as I affectionately call us.
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Whether you identify as queer, neurodivergent, or even have a cultural difference - there is something about where you are in your life that feels disjointed or out of place. One of the most important things that I help with is giving you the space to explore these curiosities in a safe zone. And part of what comes up is the need for a support system in place that gives you the same safety and security.
For some, that truly does come from their family. But others, might be like me and feel disconnected in some way. And need to find an external group that will help them feel like they can be themselves.
The main thing though, is that being able to live as your authentic self isn’t something that you can just do with the flip of a switch. It takes work, and it takes people.
There’s a saying that it takes a village for a reason because thriving doesn’t happen alone.
It happens when you are surrounded by people who care about you, who want what’s best for you, and who give you the space to be yourself.
Finding my place in the community, whether that was the religious community or the queer took time and effort. But now that I have this place to belong to, where I can be my whole self, is so worth it. Which is why I am here because it’s worth it for you too.
Hello, I’m Nita Agustin
Registered Clinical Counsellor based in Burnaby, BC
My jam is helping curious and questioning queer youth and young adults move from confusion to clarity.
Most of my clients shared feeling overwhelmed by the messages the world told them how they’re supposed to be. They do not want to be defined by what society told them about themselves.
In our work together, I guide clients in figuring out who they are, who they want to be, and how to get there. We do this by processing how their past impacted the way they live out their life today. From our work together, I noticed clients develop better self-awareness and experience improved quality of life as they can show up differently in their relationships.
I offer virtual and in-person sessions in Brentwood, North Burnaby. In the summer I also offer walk-and-walk in Confederation Park.
I am licensed to practise in BC, as well as all across Canada, so I support clients all over BC, all the way from Vancouver to Kitimat. Other than working with clients who reside in BC, I also can support clients who reside in Yukon Territories, Northwest Territories, Nunavut, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland.
Check out my About me page to learn more about what I do and have to offer for you. Also, explore my Services page to see how I can guide you in making shifts in your life today. If you feel ready to discover ways to live life on your own terms, I welcome you to book an initial intake session. I am so stoked to meet you and start figuring out how you can show up as your best self!
Throughout this pandemic, I witnessed telehealth virtual sessions become more of a norm, and it has been super transformative seeing clients can access mental health services from the comfort of their home.
There are lots of different stereotypes out there, and society tells us who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to do in the world. It can feel very overwhelming and confusing to compare our personal experience against those ideas. The thing is, you no longer have to be defined by what society tells you. It is your life to live, and you get to decide who get a say about your life.
