3 ways life transitions counseling can provide that va-va-voom clarity and direction for you
Change is the only thing that is certain in life. Your life is in a constant state of movement that you are bound to have experienced multiple life transitions, be it positive (eg, getting married or starting a new job) or negative (breaking up or moving away from home and family).
Some folks may go through significant life transitions smoothly, while others may feel like it threw a wrench in their lives.
It is pretty common for folks to experience emotional discomfort, fear, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness while going through certain life transitions.
One important reminder is that it can feel lonely and overwhelming navigating life transitions on your own.
Let’s undo the alone-ness together
I will share a bit more about life transitions, ways you can deal with them, and how life transitions counseling can help you go through this hiccup.
First thing first, what are life transitions?!?
Life transitions can be many things.
It’s any event that may have an impact on your current life situation,
whether it’s moving away from home for the first time to attend university or deciding to come out of the closet and live life unapologetically.
Life transitions is a certain event that can cause significant enough change for you that you gotta stop, evaluate, and make certain adjustments.
A few examples of life transitions that I have seen in my practice are:
Professionally, it could be losing a job or landing a new one
For married couples, it could be welcoming a baby, or sending your kiddo to school for the first time or it could be seeing your teens graduate from high school and sending them off to college or university
For teens, it could be having your own first partner or claiming your gender identity
All good. What types of life transitions are we talking about…
Life transitions can be planned or unplanned. It could be expected or happen so spontaneously.
And they all can have pleasant or unpleasant impacts in your life.
Four major types of life transitions:
Anticipated life transitions
These are events you know are coming up for sure later in life. Things like teens hoping to attend university right after completing high school.
Anticipated life transitions can motivate you to work on certain goals and focus your mind on something.
Unanticipated life transitions
These are what we call unplanned events in life that can throw us off track. Things like getting laid off from your company or receiving a 3-month notice from your landlord to move out.
These kinds of life transitions are often stressful because you may not see it coming. Though, the potential for growth and learning is greater than anticipated life transitions.
Sleeper life transitions
These are the things in life that you do so unintentionally or unaware of, and will at some point catch you by surprise. Things like slowly developing new skills at work that made your boss notice you, or it could also be slowly slacking off that resulted in you being put on supervision.
Non-event life transitions
These are things that didn’t manifest as you were hoping for, things like even after doing your best, you were passed up for promotions or didn’t get into your dream university.
Impacts of life transitions
Any life transitions, be it unplanned or planned, can have positive or negative impact on you.
In some ways, life transitions can be an opportunity for you to learn new life skills, depending on what you are going through. I am thinking of the time when I first moved abroad and lived away from home. This was an adventure I signed up for and in the beginning the life transitions I needed to go through were super tough. I had to learn how to cook, clean and tidy up my space, do my laundry, fix stuff at home, and many other things. Now, I look back at this experience and feel super happy for all the life skills that I picked up during this life transitions period.
In other ways, going through life transitions can be lonely and nerve wrecking. It was super scary for me moving to a place where I knew nobody. Then I had to learn to make friends with new people. It definitely impacted my self-esteem and caused me so much stress and anxiety in the beginning.
Tips for navigating life transitions
I gotta say that having gone through multiple life transitions, I‘ve compiled a few tried and true tips which can serve as a starting point for you
Reach out for support
Don’t mean to belabor this topic as I mentioned this before, though it’s super important to remember that it can be super tempting to just do things on your own. I get it, reaching out for help feels vulnerable. Naming what you need feels like a weakness.
I felt that way too at first and the more I tried to do things on my own, the more lonely I felt.
Things changed for the better for me when I started reaching out for support.
Your support can look like confiding to a trusted friend or a family member. What I have seen among trans folks is reaching out to online communities to find others who have been in a similar path.
Give yourself permission to figure things out
I have a confession to make here!
This is something that I wished I could tell my younger self.
Back in the day, I felt like I just gotta have my ducks in a row.
It can feel like so much pressure living in a world that indirectly tells us we should have things figured out.
So folks, it is okay to go at your own pace and not to have all the pieces figured out today.
One step at a time and trust the process.
So, where does life transitions counseling come into the picture?
Well, we have established that going through life transitions can be challenging. So, this is where having a safe outlet for you to process your thoughts and emotions will be helpful.
When I do life transitions counseling, I will focus on processing in what way is this life transitions event difficult or impacting you the most.
I will ask some prompting questions to help you reflect on your personal values and brainstorm how you can make decisions that align with your values.
Together, we can explore new possibilities and set goals.
One sweet bonus from doing life transitions counseling is helping you develop better self awareness. So, if you’re experiencing something similar in the future, you’ll handle it differently.
What’s the sign it’s time for me to sign up for life transitions counseling?
***Coles note version is:
if you are experiencing some things in your life that you feel overwhelmed to process on your own. You have exhausted your personal resources
You have talked to some friends and people in your support system, and still feel like there’s something more to it than meets the eye.
Life transitions, big or small, and even exactly the same event can impact two different people differently. So, it is totally normal if you get the sense that you’d be better off talking to a trained professional (such as myself ;) Not that there’s anything wrong with sharing with your friends and family. It’s just different.
What to expect in a life transitions counseling
I don’t exactly have a magic wand to wipe away your life transitions.
These life transitions events can affect the way you feel, the way you see yourself and those around you.
One valuable thing that I can offer is a space for you to openly talk about how this life transitions is impacting you.
I come in without my own agenda and bias about what decision you are supposed to make.
One thing that you can expect from a life transitions counseling session is that you will be going through the adjustment more smoothly.
Can life transitions counseling help with gender identity changes?
As a society, we are super conditioned to approach gender in a very binary way.
Meaning, you are either male or female.
A lot of folks feel like there is something wrong with them because they feel like they don’t feel like they fit into this binary idea of gender.
If you feel like you’re not like everyone else just coz when you look into the mirror, the image you see is telling you one story but the story you are telling yourself is another.
One of the theme of trans folks self discovery journey is bringing more alignment between how they feel on the inside and how they show up on the outside.
Transitioning gender is no small feat.
And it is considered an important life transitions
It can be very lonely and difficult to go through the whole transitions on your own.
And this is where I can definitely offer you a safe space for you to figure out how making adjustment and going through this life transitions for you is supposed to look like.
2 ways Life transitions counseling can help your gender identity journey:
Hello, I’m Nita Agustin
Registered Clinical Counsellor based in Burnaby, BC
My jam is helping curious and questioning queer youth and young adults move from confusion to clarity.
Most of my clients shared feeling overwhelmed by the messages the world told them how they’re supposed to be. They do not want to be defined by what society told them about themselves.
In our work together, I guide clients in figuring out who they are, who they want to be, and how to get there. We do this by processing how their past impacted the way they live out their life today. From our work together, I noticed clients develop better self-awareness and experience improved quality of life as they can show up differently in their relationships.
I offer virtual and in-person sessions in Brentwood, North Burnaby. In the summer I also offer walk-and-walk in Confederation Park.
I am licensed to practise in BC, as well as all across Canada, so I support clients all over BC, all the way from Vancouver to Kitimat. Other than working with clients who reside in BC, I also can support clients who reside in Yukon Territories, Northwest Territories, Nunavut, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland.
Check out my About me page to learn more about what I do and have to offer for you. Also, explore my Services page to see how I can guide you in making shifts in your life today. If you feel ready to discover ways to live life on your own terms, I welcome you to book an initial intake session. I am so stoked to meet you and start figuring out how you can show up as your best self!
Throughout this pandemic, I witnessed telehealth virtual sessions become more of a norm, and it has been super transformative seeing clients can access mental health services from the comfort of their home.
There are lots of different stereotypes out there, and society tells us who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to do in the world. It can feel very overwhelming and confusing to compare our personal experience against those ideas. The thing is, you no longer have to be defined by what society tells you. It is your life to live, and you get to decide who get a say about your life.
