Gender beyond the binary

I was inspired to pen this blog post as a follow-up discussion to an Instagram post where I shared my thoughts on a book Me, MySelf, Them by Joshua (Luna) Ferguson.

Gender identity is an essential aspect of our lives because it is closely tied to how we see ourselves and go about our lives.

In some cases, gender identity can be a source of confusion, especially for those who do not necessarily conform to the traditional binary of men and women assigned by this world.

You might think that it’s only these gender non-conformist individuals who are affected, you’d be surprised that EVERYONE is impacted!

How so?

Well, take a look at what you have in your closet and what you are wearing day-to-day. Let’s be honest, are they a reflection of you? Anything you’d like to change? What informed or guided your decision in how you’d like to dress up and present yourself?

Before going any further it’s worth mentioning that I am a fairly cis-identified female. I said fairly because I am visibly cis-presenting, and only recently I started using the pronoun she/they.

As I further explore the beauty and complexity of gender beyond the binary, I came to realize that I actually do not quite ascribe to the whole package of what being a she/her/hers.

I cannot quite articulate as eloquently what being a they/them/theirs mean to me, though hey, we are all on a journey and I hope my journey of self exploration will give me clarity over time.

You might be wondering what’s being cis mean?

This term is used to describe individuals whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

As a fairly cis- person, even though I do not face the same challenges gender non-conformist experienced, my personal discovery journey involved reconciling a few pieces of my personal identity that do not quite align with what my culture and the society told me I was supposed to be.

That’s also why in my work I am super duper passionate about helping clients find alignment in their inner world, because guess what, when you feel comfortable in your own skin, it will improve your life quality dramatically. This would then spillover to showing up differently in your relationships!

If I haven’t quite experienced the same struggle, then what’s the big deal about gender identity for a cis-individual such as myself then. 2 reasons here!

Gender identity is closely tied up to our self-expression, which is a very fundamental aspect of how we go about our lives as an individual. It’s what made you YOU! It’s a way for us to communicate our sense of self to others without needing to say any words.

When what we presented on the outside matches our internal reality, that’s what we call congruence! It’s a fancy way to say there’s an alignment between our gender identity and our internal sense of self.

If these two points are at odds, it can lead to anxiety, discomfort, and in some cases disgust that the individuals wished they could live in another’s body.

We do we all need to care?

Like it or not, this whole thing about gender binary actually impacted everyone involved!

How so?

When I heard the above statement for the first time, there was a thin layer of scepticism.

Though, if I was being honest with myself, actually, I was (and some friends and clients too, in personal discussion). The way I thought what being a woman, a mother, a career woman entailed was influenced by what I heard from the media and what others told me about it.

Society presents to us many assumptions, stereotypes, and recipe on “how you are supposed to be,” which is not always helpful! In terms of gender, society displays the binary of man and woman

I am not saying that being masculine or feminine is bad in itself, what I meant to say was that there are more ways to being a person than solely prescribing to the binaries, or categories, that society told us we are supposed to do

I’d say overall, gender beyond the binary is a complex topic, and one article and a few discussions alone won’t convert someone.

I hope as a society we are progressing towards more inclusivity and celebrating diversity.

I hope that our differences won’t be a source of contempt and threat, and instead could be used as an inspiration to create a tapestry of thousands of possibilities.

I hope that over time there will be increased empathy and understanding because gender identity isn’t just limited to a select group of people. It affects everyone across all ages, races, and backgrounds.

If you have been wrestling with the topic of gender identity and want to exist beyond the binary of men, and women, I would love to be your sounding board

Remember that you don’t have to go through the confusion and figure things out alone!

I welcome you to reach out for us to explore your thoughts, values, and hope.

Let’s process those gremlins and come up with strategies for you to live out the best version of yourself.

HELLO, I AM NITA AGUSTIN

A Registered Clinical Counsellor based in Burnaby, BC. My jam is working with queer youth and young adults, especially those who do not want to be defined by what society told them about themselves. I help clients figure out who they are, who they want to be, and how to get there. We do this by processing how their past impacted the way they live out their life today. From our work together, I noticed clients develop better self-awareness and experience improved quality of life as they can show up differently in their relationships.

I offer virtual and in-person sessions near Brentwood, North Burnaby. I am licensed to practise in BC, as well as all across Canada, so I support clients all over BC, all the way from Vancouver to Kitimat. Other than working with clients who reside in BC, I also can support clients who reside in Yukon Territories, Northwest Territories, Nunavut, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland.

Check out my About me page to learn more about what I do and have to offer for you. Also, explore my Services page to see how I can guide you in making shifts in your life today. If you feel ready to discover ways to live life on your own terms, I welcome you to book an initial intake session. I am so stoked to meet you and start figuring out how you can show up as your best self.