Choose Your Circle Wisely: How to Surround Yourself with People Who Grow You

Ever left a hangout feeling heavier instead of lighter?

Like you needed a nap and a good cry... just from being around someone who’s “supposed” to be a friend?

Oof. Been there.

For years, I thought I just needed thicker skin. That I was the problem -too sensitive, too much, too "deep."

But what if the real issue wasn’t me?

What if I just needed different people?

If you’re feeling drained more than you’re feeling held, it might be time to look at your circle. Not in a cut-everyone-off kind of way, but in a slow, intentional, holy-boundary kind of way.

Let’s talk about what it really means to choose your circle wisely, why it matters, and how to do it without ghosting your entire contact list.

What does “choose your circle wisely” mean?

Let’s nerd out with some nature metaphors for a sec.
Imagine a walnut tree, tall, commanding, beautiful even. But did you know it releases a chemical that prevents other plants from growing around it? It’s literally designed to take up all the space and nutrients.

Now picture a magnolia tree.

Still stunning, but with a different vibe. It shares.

Its roots enrich the soil. Its leaves become mulch that supports. not strangles, nearby plants. It’s a good companion.

People are the same.

Some folks are like walnut trees: dominant, draining, low-key (or high-key) toxic.

They might seem impressive at first, but long-term?

You end up doubting yourself, shrinking, second-guessing every move.

Others are magnolias: nurturing, empowering, sturdy.

They give you room to grow and cheer you on while you do it.

Choosing your circle wisely means knowing the difference, and gravitating toward people who grow with you, not around you.

Why is it important to choose our social circle wisely?

Because our people shape us.

Their energy rubs off on us.
Their values influence our decisions.
Their words echo in our heads, especially when we're feeling unsure or vulnerable.

I’ve sat across from so many clients who came into therapy thinking they were broken, only to realize their environment was just unsupportive.

Or misaligned.

Or downright unsafe.

I’ve lived that, too.

When I finally gave myself permission to gravitate toward my magnolias, friends who celebrated my queerness, my cultural complexity, my messy and beautiful becoming, I began to breathe easier.
I took more risks.
I felt more me.

Surrounding yourself with the right people doesn’t just protect your peace.

It expands your life.

How to choose your circle wisely

Here’s the thing: you don’t need to do a dramatic friendship purge. This isn’t reality TV.

But you do get to be intentional.

ASK YOURSELF:

• How do I feel after I spend time with this person?
  Energized, grounded, understood? Or depleted, anxious, and small?

• Can I be my full self with them?
  Or do I constantly censor, over-explain, or shrink?

• Do they challenge me in a respectful, growth-oriented way?
  Or do they undermine, invalidate or dismiss me?

• Are they a walnut or a magnolia?
  It’s okay to care about a walnut from afar, but your inner garden deserves better soil.

If this reflection brings up grief or discomfort, know that’s totally normal. It’s hard to outgrow people. But choosing your circle wisely is an act of self-trust. It’s you saying, “I’m worthy of support that doesn’t come with a side of harm.”

Your takeaway? You’re allowed to be picky with your energy.

You’re allowed to want deep, reciprocal friendships.

You’re allowed to outgrow connections that no longer reflect your values or where you’re headed.

And if you’re somewhere in the messy middle, aware that your current circle isn’t cutting it, but unsure how to find your magnolias, you’re not alone.

This is the kind of stuff I heard from the people I walk with all the time: finding clarity, building brave community, and reconnecting with their own voice again.

If that’s something you're longing for, you're welcome to reach out.

I’m here, magnolia energy and all.

Hello, I’m Nita Agustin

My jam is working with queer youth and young adults, especially those who do not want to be defined by what society told them about themselves. I help clients figure out who they are, who they want to be, and how to get there. We do this by processing how their past impacted the way they live out their life today. From our work together, I noticed clients develop better self-awareness and experience improved quality of life as they can show up differently in their relationships.

I offer virtual and in-person sessions near Brentwood, North Burnaby. I am licensed to practise in BC, as well as all across Canada, so I support clients all over BC, all the way from Vancouver to Kitimat. Other than working with clients who reside in BC, I also can support clients who reside in Yukon Territories, Northwest Territories, Nunavut, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland.

Check out my About me page to learn more about what I do and have to offer for you. Also, explore my Services page to see how I can guide you in making shifts in your life today. If you feel ready to discover ways to live life on your own terms, I welcome you to book an initial intake session. I am so stoked to meet you and start figuring out how you can show up as your best self!

Throughout this pandemic, I witnessed telehealth virtual sessions become more of a norm, and it has been super transformative seeing clients can access mental health services from the comfort of their home.

There are lots of different stereotypes out there, and society tells us who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to do in the world. It can feel very overwhelming and confusing to compare our personal experience against those ideas. The thing is, you no longer have to be defined by what society tells you. It is your life to live, and you get to decide who get a say about your life.